Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
