alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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