I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
