i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
