I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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