I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
