I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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