Is it normal to miss your booty call?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
