mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
