At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
