she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
