So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
