the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
