Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
