Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
