Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
