I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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