M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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