We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
