look no pants
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
