Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
too bad you live with your parents still
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
