That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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