when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
