Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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