Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
