I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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