Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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