I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
