Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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