He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
