I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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