last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
