"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We had to coat check the pizza.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
