Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
