I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
