so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so let's talk penis.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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