I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
