It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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