i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
