i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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