No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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