I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
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my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.