Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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