I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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