Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located