On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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