I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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