If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
