addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
