I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
