So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
