Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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