We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
