I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dicks are not precious.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
