I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
