also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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