i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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