FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize