..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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