I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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