therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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