Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
