yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
