There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
