I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
