neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
