Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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