We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
