I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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