apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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