He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
