your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
