you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
